


Would You Believe Me If I Said I'm In Love?

by jadebrycin2116



Series: Trust Me [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Fights, Hurt, Love, M/M, Sequel, Unhappy Ending, Wolves, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:43:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadebrycin2116/pseuds/jadebrycin2116
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're scared, aren't you?"</p><p>"I told you before, I'm not afraid of you Derek Hale," he says before looking up, right into the wolf's eyes. "I'm terrified."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would You Believe Me If I Said I'm In Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the sequel to "Its Hard to Believe You Love Me..." 
> 
> Sorry it took sooo long! I was just trying to get it right. I'm not sure if its as good as the first, but I hope it comes close and you guys still enjoy it

Life sucks. 

 

It's pretty official at this point. Between the wolves and the hunters and school and Stiles... 

 

_especially Stiles_

 

Derek's been having what he considers the shittiest few weeks ever. He hasn't been able to truly focus in days. He hasn't been sleeping well or eating enough or thinking straight. He's too ashamed to admit it, but he's been spending way to much of his time obsessing over Stiles,  _the boy he loves,_ while Stiles seems to be doing fine. 

 

It's like mild torture. 

 

Derek would rather be force-fed wolfsbane than constantly catch his ex's scent in the hallway, or hear his voice in the parking lot. He hates seeing him in classes and being completely overlooked as if they never dated. When Stiles does look at him, he doesn't look like he hates him, which would be something Derek could work with. Instead, the other boy just looks at Derek with indifference, like they never had a relationship at all. It's like Stiles never said he loved him. 

 

And it fucking sucks. 

 

**Xxx**

 

"He looks miserable," Scott says, with that stupid sympathetic look in his eyes that Stiles hates. 

 

He glances across the lunch room to see Derek sitting with a couple of his team mates. It's not like he's crying into a pint of ice cream, wallowing in his own self pity and marathoning sad movies, like  _he_ was for four days straight. Derek's just eating lunch with his friends, like a normal high school student. 

 

_Miserable my ass._

 

Stiles turns back to Scott, a bitter edge in his voice, "Looks fine to me."  

 

Scott doesn't know what else to say, especially since Stiles has yet to give him the full story about their fight. All he knows is that it was a trust thing. He doesn't have much to work with. What he sees though, is that Stiles and Derek both look more unhappy now than he's ever seen either of them.

 

He rolls his eyes and shoots a look towards Allison, his girlfriend for help. It's a new relationship, one that bloomed just shortly after Derek and Stiles...only of course, theirs is still going while the other crashed and burned. Allison shrugs and looks towards Lydia. She's Allison's snippy, red-headed best friend, who although normally social, always looks like she'd rather be anywhere else. 

 

Lydia rolls her eyes, "Stiles please, spare us your bitter density. I barely know anything about your relationship, and I can tell that he's still pining over you. It's obvious by the way he keeps looking over here every thirty seconds." 

 

"Maybe you should talk to him," Allison offers and for a minute, Stiles thinks it over with a slight frown on his face. 

 

But then he remembers everything that happened and  _no._ He's not going to go crawling back to Derek Hale, no matter how ridiculously attractive he is and how miserable he might be. No. Derek lied and that wasn't fair to him. 

 

"Maybe he should just get over it," Stiles says...but they all know he doesn't mean it. 

 

**Xxx**

 

It's like he just won't go away. Just because they live in the same town and attend the same high school doesn't mean Derek just has to invade every aspect of Stiles' life. Why does he have to sit right in his line of view in class or be at every lacrosse game. Stiles doesn't want to see Derek at Lydia's parties or at fast food restaurants on weekends. Why does Derek have to have his name said over the intercom the next day when he's announced MVP of the state championship game? 

 

Why won't Derek just let him be? 

 

Like how the hell is he supposed to move on like this? He should've trusted his instincts and not allowed Derek into his life in the first place. They ran in different circles from the beginning and there was a reason for that, one that had nothing to do with popularity. Derek was just used to playing by different rules when it came to friends and relationships; and usually Stiles would never compromise or settle for less than what he wanted, but somehow Derek had changed that... 

 

So when Derek comes up to him at his locker that Friday, he's definitely got his guard up. He tells himself there's no way he's going to let Derek charm him in or out of anything.

 

"What are you doing standing by my locker?" The human asks. He remembers a time when the sight of his boyfriend standing here waiting used to excite him. 

 

He remembers a time when Derek was his  _boyfriend._

 

"Why do you think? I wanted to talk." 

 

Stiles closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before putting way more focus than necessary on his locker combination. "About what? We've barely talked since that night-" 

 

"I know." 

 

" _And_  I don't see what we have to talk about anyway." 

 

Derek narrows his eyes in disbelief, "About  _us_ maybe?" 

 

Stiles grips the edge of his locker door forcefully and bites at his bottom lip. " _Us?_ What about  _us_ Derek? There is no us. You broke up with  _me_ , remember?" 

 

He doesn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but at the same time he kind of wants it to. Just because Stiles hasn't been outwardly moping doesn't mean this entire situation hasn't sucked for him too. He loved Derek. He still does.  

 

"Be fair Stiles, you know why I did that." 

 

"Because you were afraid I'd leave you first? That I'd judge you or something superficial like that, because God forbid anyone think Derek Hale was less than perfect right?" 

 

They both know that's not what Derek meant but maybe Stiles is just feeling a little vindictive today?  

 

"Stiles, stop." 

 

"Stop what?" He asks, facing Derek with eyebrows raised. 

 

The wolf rolls his eyes, "Look I understand that you're upset, okay? But I didn't come over here for you to blatantly try to hurt me." 

 

This is when Stiles starts to laugh, a condescending sort of laugh, not the kind that might be heard after something genuinely funny. Derek's knows that laugh and this is not it. 

 

"Well maybe now you know what it feels like huh?" 

 

"I never set out to blatantly hurt you. You know that." Derek's mildly offended at the insinuation and he's not ready to end the conversation but something tells him when Lydia Martin walks up to Stiles that its over anyway. 

 

Stiles shuts his locker, a little harder than necessary, and shrugs at Derek, "Doesn't change the fact that it hurt, now does it?"  

 

**Xxx**

 

That didn't go well at all. 

 

Derek's not sure how he expected that conversation to go, but how it went was not one of the outcomes he was hoping for. 

 

"It's like he  _hates_ me," Derek says to Peter and Laura as they drive home from school. Even though its more of a safety precaution, for once he's grateful that they waited around so he wouldn't have to go alone.  

 

"He doesn't  _hate_ you," his sister assures from the drivers seat but Peter rolls his eyes. 

 

"Well you did  _lie_ to him, a lie which almost got him killed. He might hate you." His comment earns him a deadly glare from Laura and a very forceful punch in the arm. 

 

"Peter!" 

 

His hands fly up in defense, "What? I'm just being honest! I mean come on, you said this kid was reluctant from the start? But he opened himself up anyway, made himself vulnerable only to be hurt right?" 

 

Derek shrugs, "Yeah I guess." 

 

"We'll maybe he's not mad because you  _hurt_ him. That happens, people get hurt. Maybe he's mad because he feels like he was the only one who was one hundred percent invested. It's not like you ever told him you loved him back and you do, don't you?"

 

"Obviously." 

 

"So stop talking and show him that! He's only human Derek, he can't pick up on every minute feeling or heart fluctuation like you and I do." 

 

Derek looks up through the rearview at Laura who just shrugs,  "I'd hate to admit, but he's kind of got a good point." 

 

Peter smiles, almost too arrogant for comfort, "I generally do." 

 

**Xxx**

 

Lydia doesn't say a word the entire walk to his car. All of her attention is focused on her phone. How she can walk and text so gracefully is beyond Stiles. He opens his car door and she just stands their, still preoccupied. 

 

"Did we...did we have plans or something?" He asks, wondering why she even came to his locker in the first place. Sure they're friends, but he honestly thought that was more by force or circumstance than anything. 

 

She doesn't even look up when she answers, "No."

 

Now he's confused, "So why did you-"

 

The red head shrugs, "You looked like you needed to be rescued." 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Well didn't you?" 

 

"Y-yeah, I mean no, wait, I-"  

 

"You were fighting with the Derek, who you  _obviously_ still love. I stepped in before either of you said something you'd regret." 

 

She sticks her phone in her purse and starts to walk away while Stiles is still stuttering. Just before she stops to get into the passenger side of a silver Porsche she turns to Stiles and places her hands on her hips, "I think the words you're looking for are  _'thank you'_!" 

 

**Xxx**

 

The first thing Derek does is apologize. He doesn't see why he should have to, but Peter just tells him to stop asking stupid questions and do it anyway. 

 

So he shows up at the Stilinski house on Saturday with a peace offering he knows Stiles will enjoy. He rings the doorbell and waits. After a minute Stiles appears in the doorway sweats on, toothbrush in mouth, looking half asleep. 

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks, it comes out a little muffled but Derek still understands.  

 

He holds up a greasy brown bag in one hand and a large root beer in the other. "Can we try again?" 

 

Stiles glares for a second, clearly not trusting his motives but then motions Derek in anyway. The wolf follows the other boy into the kitchen and waits patiently at the table as he finishes brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink. When he's done, Stiles takes a seat across from Derek, not hesitating to rip into the fast food bag placed in front of him. 

 

"It's Saturday morning. You could've just called you know, like normal people do." 

 

"Stiles, its eleven-thirty. Most  _normal_ people are awake and functioning at this hour." 

 

He glances over at the clock on the microwave and shrugs. It's Saturday. He's allowed to sleep in if he wants.

 

"So what's up? Not that I don't appreciate the fries or anything, but why are you randomly showing up on my door step with food? Seems a little  _friendly_ don't you think?" 

 

Derek reaches over the table, taking a curly fry for himself before answering, "I knew you wouldn't let me in without it so..." 

 

"You're right," Stiles agrees, "I assume you wanted to talk to me, at least I hope you didn't come over here just to watch me eat." 

 

That gets the wolf to blush a little before he's shaking his head, "No, that part's just an added bonus." 

 

Stiles rolls his eyes, but Derek's happy to see the smirk that comes to the boy's lips at the same time. 

 

"I wanted to apologize, for yesterday and um...well for everything. I don't think I ever really said I was sorry after that night at the school. You were right, I should've told you everything and I ugh...I didn't. I let things get way out of hand, I put you in danger, I jeopardized our entire relationship and I never truly apologized. I'm sorry." 

 

Stiles swallows hard and doesn't say anything. He's kind of speechless, which is new for him. It's just, it's been weeks. He never thought he was going to get an apology, so the fact that Derek's here saying these things is a little dumbfounding. 

 

It's silent for what seems like centuries to Derek and he's relieved when Stiles finally opens his mouth. 

 

"Why now?" He asks and it's not what Derek's expecting. 

 

"What?" 

 

"Why. Now?" The other boy repeats. "We've barely acknowledged each other in almost a month, then suddenly yesterday you're showing up at my locker and today you're coming to my house and finally apologizing. I just...I don't understand. Nothing's changed. Why now?" 

 

Derek shrugs casually, "I've missed you." 

 

"You missed me?" 

 

"Yeah. I hope you don't think I've enjoyed not having you in my life Stiles, especially not when I have to see you everyday. You have no idea how suffocating your scent alone can be." 

 

Stiles just repeats the phrase over again, like he still doesn't believe it. "You missed me?" 

 

"Yeah, is that hard to believe?" 

 

"Well I mean, a little. Up until yesterday, I figured you would've moved on already." 

 

Derek laughs as he stands from the table, "You really have no idea what you do to me do you?" 

 

Stiles just blinks.   

 

"Maybe if you'd stop selling yourself so short, you'd see?" He offers. 

 

And he's gone before Stiles can say anything else. 

 

**Xxx**

 

Much to his disbelief, it doesn't stop there. It's almost like Derek's doing more for him now than when they were dating. It's nothing major, just small things. He's walking Stiles to class again, sitting next to him, buying his lunch, checking up on him. A few times he's driven him to school and suddenly waking up to curly fries on weekends becomes a more frequent thing. 

 

It's nothing serious. There's no kissing or touching. Derek hasn't even put a hand to his shoulder or anything. They've just been talking casually and maybe getting to a place where they can stand one another for extended periods of time. It's nice. 

 

Derek's just taking it slow, starting with little things to show the other boy that he cares. He can tell Stiles is still coming around, but still has his guard up. It's like when Derek first approached him. He smells the same way, of reluctance, and his heartbeat still tends to fluctuate. He's getting there, getting comfortable again, but its a process definitely.  

 

It all seems to be working out until one day after school Derek's driving him home, which Stiles notices only happens with him. Derek really only drives when it comes to Stiles. He's only ever  _alone_ when it comes to Stiles. Other than that, he's surrounded by people at school and outside of school. He's always close to his sister or his uncle. It just makes him curious about the werewolf situation.

 

Derek pulls into the Stilinski driveway but instead of getting out, Stiles turns to him and asks, "Those other wolves, they're still hanging out around here, aren't they?" 

 

Derek blinks in confusion and sticks the car in park. They haven't really discussed the fact that he's a werewolf since their big fight. Usually they keep the conversation pretty neutral. 

 

"If you're talking about the other packs, well yeah a few are still close, but they're mostly harmless," he doesn't want to say much other than that. He doesn't tell Stiles about how pissed Ennis was when was attacked by him and his family. Or that even though his mom banned him from Beacon Hills, Ennis' girlfriend has still been lingering around for him, keeping tabs on them, for what Derek doesn't know. 

 

"Why do you ask?" 

 

"I don't know," Stiles lies. He knows that Derek can tell but he lies anyway. 

 

"You've never brought it up before...something didn't happen to you did it?" 

 

Stiles can see the way the wolf's entire demeanor changes, like he's ready to throw himself into battle or something. It's almost scary and it makes him wonder if the situation is more serious than he thought.

 

"N-no I'm fine, I just...Ive noticed that you're almost always protected, except when we're together. And if there are still other wolves out there, like the one from that night...I don't want you putting yourself in danger to hang out with me."  

 

It's quiet for a moment. Stiles is looking down at his lap and Derek is just watching him. He can hear the other boy's heart beating fast and he wonders what exactly that's about. 

 

"Believe me Stiles, you have nothing to worry about. I can handle myself. Besides, maybe I  _like_ putting myself in danger to be around you?" He finally says, leaning towards Stiles, "Did you ever consider that?" 

 

"That's stupid. We're not even...you keep doing this stuff for me and spending time with me when...when...maybe I'm not  _worth_  it? Did you ever consider that?" 

 

Derek tilts his head to the side. Stiles has said things like this before. Since day one he's always seemed to put Derek on this pedestal he doesn't deserve. He wonders if that's part of their problem?

 

"Why do you think so little of yourself?" 

 

"Why do you think so highly of me?" 

 

Derek's not sure there's really anything he can say to convince the boy next to him, so he takes Peter's advice a step further and tries to show him instead. 

 

He leans in, taking the back of Stiles' head in his hand and pulling it towards him until their lips meet. Maybe he's crazy, but this kiss is better than that first time at the distillery. It's everything he's been missing since they broke up. His missed the feeling, the taste, how Stiles' lips seem to fit perfectly against his. The way Stiles always kisses him like his life depends on it...it's perfect.  

 

He pulls back for a moment, his nose still touching the other boy's as he pants slightly. 

 

"Maybe it's because I love you," he says, in a moment of weakness but it feels good. He regrets not saying it sooner... 

 

At least until Stiles is pulling away. It happens in a matter of seconds. He's holding Stiles one moment and the next the boy is pulling back and opening the car door. 

 

"Where are you-" 

 

"I have to-I have to go," he's says frantically and then he's backing out of the car and rushing into his home. 

 

**Xxx**

 

"I told him I loved him," Derek says. Both Peter and Laura's eyes go wide and they smile at each other proudly. 

 

"That's great!" Laura's practically beaming, until she and Peter start to realize that Derek is not. "Wait, we're happy but you're...Derek what happened?"  

 

"I told him I loved him and he practically ran out of the car. Everything was going good. I kissed him and he kissed me back but then I said it and he just like  _bolted._ "  

 

"Bolted?" Asks Peter, tilting his head slightly. 

 

Derek threw his hands up and used them to enhance his explanation, something he'd picked up from Stiles. "Bolted! As in he got out of my car as fast as he could and practically ran into his house! I don't know what-I mean I thought this was what he wanted and then I give it to him and I get  _this,"_ Derek sighs in frustrated confusion.  

 

Peter looks at Laura and shrugs. She bites her lip. They don't even have to say it for Derek to know exactly what they're thinking. 

 

Maybe this isn't what Stiles wants anymore? 

 

_Maybe it's too late?_

 

**_Xxx_ **

 

"He  _kissed_ me," Stiles says, sounding almost awestruck, "He kissed me and told me he  _loved_ me and I ran. I fucking ran! What the hell did I do that for?" 

 

Lydia glances up from her seat in Stiles' computer chair. She's got her legs crossed and she's been staring in a compact for the last five minutes. He wishes he could've called somebody else, but Allison and Scott were having date night and he didn't want to ruin their plans with his problems. Lydia was honestly his only option.  

 

She rolls her eyes, "I don't know why you ran Stiles, you tell me. I mean this is what you wanted right?"

 

"Yes!" He says falling back onto his bed and throwing his hands over his eyes. "I mean I  _thought_ it was! It  _is!_ I just...like why now? Why now and not before?" 

 

The red head just shrugs, "I don't know." 

 

"Nothing's changed." 

 

"Hasn't it though? You weren't even talking before and now he's doing all the classic boyfriend things again, it only makes sense feelings would come along with that." 

 

Stiles rolls over onto his side to face Lydia, "But he was doing some of those things before, back when we were dating and he never said it then...not even after I said it to him. I just don't understand why he...why he-" 

 

"This has nothing to do with timing does it?" 

 

"Huh?" 

 

For the first time since she's arrived, she puts down all her stuff and looks directly at the boy in front of her, "It's not  _why now,_ it's just  _why._ Isn't it?" 

 

He opens his mouth to immediately counter act the statement but stops fighting it with one look from Lydia. 

 

"Maybe it's a little of both," he offers, embarrassed, "I ugh...I..." 

 

"Go on," she encourages. 

 

"I just never really understood why he even liked me in the first place, ya know? I mean he could probably have anybody he wanted. I didn't even know I was like on his radar, most people usually just ignore me and I'm used to it. Then I got to know him and I mean I was just...I knew. It was easy to...to fall an-but then he broke up with me and we had that fight about trust and I-I told him and he didn't say it back... 

 

I guess I saw it for what it was then. He was Derek Hale and I was, well I was me; and why the hell would he ever love me? I knew better, and I fell for it anyway. It was like I was lucky someone like him would even bother with me. I felt so  _stupid._

 

Then I'm finally starting to be okay again and here he comes waltzing his way back into my life and doing all this shit for me. We're talking again and I could handle being his friend but I don't know if I can do this. I mean...Derek's lied to me before, I don't know if I could handle it if he...if he was just lying to me again." 

 

By the time he's done, Stiles feels like an idiot. As if Lydia would really want to hear about his problems. He's about to laugh it off an apologize for wasting her time, until he sees her looking at him with real sympathy in her eyes. 

 

"I hope he's not, Stiles. Really I do, but I...I don't know your relationship well and I don't know Derek much at all. All I can say is ask him." 

 

He raises an eyebrow in the red head's, "Ask him what? If he's lying?" 

 

"No Stiles, ask him why he likes you. Ask him why he  _really_ likes you. You'll be able to tell from that whether or not he's being genuine," she offers looking at phone and standing up. "Look I have to go but Stiles?" 

 

He looks up at her one last time before she walks out completely.

 

"I really hope he is."   

 

**Xxx**

 

Derek can't say he isn't surprised Saturday when Stiles texts him to come over that night. It takes a lot coaxing for him to get out on a Saturday night minus Peter and Laura, but he finally does with a little bribery. He knows they aren't far though, they'll probably be lingering around Stiles' neighborhood all night making sure he gets home safe. As long as they don't embarrass him tonight, he's fine with it. It is for safety and all. 

 

He shows up with his usual fast food peace offering and rings the doorbell. It doesn't take long for Stiles to come to the door. He looks Derek up and down and offers a half smile. "Hey."  

 

"Um... _hey._ " 

 

The other boy moves aside, letting Derek in, and the wolf is practically drowning in the awkward tension between them. Without another word, Stiles takes them both up to his room. Derek takes a seat in the computer chair while Stiles crosses his legs over on his bed. He doesn't want to make the human uncomfortable by sitting too close.

 

He tosses the bag in his hand into Stiles' lap and the other boy laughs, easing the tension some. "You know you don't have to feed me every time you come over here? But if you insist, you could maybe bring a salad every now an then. I'm pretty sure I've gone up a pants size since I met you." 

 

Derek laughs, "If I brought you a salad, you'd just throw it out and ask why I didn't buy you curly fries." 

 

"Point taken," Stiles states before popping a fry into his mouth. He eats one or two more while Derek waits patiently. 

 

The human knows he's going to have to say something eventually. He's just trying to work up the courage to do so, because what if he gets an answer he doesn't want to hear? What if it just goes all wrong? What if Derek was lying?

 

He can't do this.

 

Finally after another handful or two of fries he turns to Derek and the only words that he can form are, "Do you want something to drink? I want something to drink." 

 

Derek points towards the root beer he has sitting on the desk. 

 

"No dumb ass, like something to  _drink._ Alcohol." 

 

"Oh... _oh!"_ Derek says, eyes going wide.  

 

"I'll be back," Stiles tells him before running off downstairs and grabbing one of his father's bottles of Jack. He returns with a bottle and two cups, pouring one for Derek and one for himself. If he's going to do this, he needs to loosen up a little... 

 

Or a lot. 

 

It isn't long before Stiles is maybe three full cups in and he's feeling kind of drunk, but not in a bad way. He's sitting in his bed with his back against the wall. At some point he invited Derek to sit next to him, but there's been no touching or anything like that. Just talking. Stiles has been naming and detailing the lives of every one of Batman's sidekicks for the last twenty minutes in order. He's on pre-reboot Tim Drake when he realizes Derek hasn't said anything or finished his drink either. 

 

"Something wrong?" He's asking the wolf suddenly. 

 

"No, I'm fine." 

 

"You sure?" Stiles slurs, "You're looking like a light weight over there. You're not even half way through your cup." 

 

Derek looks over with a confident smirk and pulls the fourth cup from Stiles' hands and sets it aside, "I could drink you under the table if I wanted." 

 

"So why didn't you?" He teases, leaning into Derek's ear.  

 

"I just didn't want to embarrass you with my unfairly superior tolerance. I'm a werewolf remember? Higher metabolism, burns off the alcohol way faster. Besides..." He says as a drunken Stiles slides his head onto his shoulder. Derek takes the other boy and slides him so that Stiles' head is resting in his lap instead. "I kind of like seeing you like this. It's funny, in an adorable sort of way." 

 

Stiles looks up into Derek's eyes and scoffs, "Adorable? Are you making fun of me?"

 

"Only a little." 

 

The human purses his lips and rolls his eyes, before looking back up at Derek. He's smiling down at him, with his vivid green eyes focused directly on Stiles' brown ones. 

 

"Can I a-ask you something?" He stutters a little. 

 

Derek can hear the other boy's heartbeat steadily increasing before he's even finished his sentence. That makes him a little nervous, but he says 'yes' anyway. 

 

"Why do you love me?" Stiles asks. 

 

Derek tilts his head in confusion, "Why do I love you? What do you mean?" 

 

"I mean-I mean exactly what I said. Why do you love me? You said it yesterday. I want, I  _need,_ to know why."

 

The wolf hesitates still and Stiles bites at his lip, "Please Derek, this is important. Just tell me  _something_."   

 

It's the pleading tone that gets to him. It's the same one from before they broke up. Stiles has that same look he had, begging for an answer, for something to work with... 

 

And Derek's going to give him something this time.  

 

"Well," Derek starts nervously. He's nervous and praying to God he doesn't fuck this up, "When I first saw you, I just really liked your face. I'd never seen you before and ugh...I was curious, I guess. Maybe a little awestruck.

 

Then I talked to you and you were nothing like what I thought or what I was used to. You were standoffish, and a little rude, and reluctant. It was like you didn't like me, like you didn't care, and I kind of liked that." 

 

"I always liked you," Stiles assures. 

 

"Well you had a strange way of showing it, but it was different.  _You_ were different and you weren't ashamed to be either. You were always yourself and suddenly I wanted to know everything about you and like make you happy. And there are these things like...

 

I don't know...I just...I love listening to you talk about school and weird comics and movies and just anything you're passionate about because you get so excited and your heart beat races and your skin gets flushed. It's adorable," he starts.

 

"I love being around you because you smell like sandalwood and a forest after it rains; and so does your car and your room and all your clothes.

 

I know its strange but I love the watching you open your locker, and get ready to go out, and get in the car to drive because you just have these like routines and precise ways of doing it and you do it the same no matter what. I love seeing you read because you make all these expressions like you're really into it, like a character in the book. I've never cared so much about something like that but I've even seen you cry once or twice onto the edge of the pages. I couldn't even fathom caring about something not real that much.

 

And I love seeing you with your friends. You're so comfortable with each other. Like you and Scott finish each other's sentences and have these random jokes that I don't have with my friends. Its cute. I love bringing you fast food because every time you bite into that first fry, you look like this kid discovering their favorite food for the first time, and I don't care if you go up six pants sizes, I'm not going to stop loving that or bringing it." 

 

Stiles rolls his eyes and lets out a small laugh, "Yeah sure...but these are all things you love  _about_  me, not  _why_  you love me."

 

"I wouldn't love you if I didn't love everything about you," he explains as Stiles messily forces their hands together, intertwining their fingers. Derek knows he's drunk but doesn't stop it.

 

"But if I had to list a why, I'd say I love you because nobody's ever made me feel like you or fascinated me the way you do. When I'm not around you I'm thinking about you. I'm searching for your scent and your voice. All I need is to hear your heartbeat and its weird, but that's the most calming, reassuring sound I've ever heard. Hearing that you're safe, makes me feel okay, like nothing's going to be that bad and I've never felt like that ever and...and this is hands down the cheesiest things I've ever said. I'm not even drunk." 

 

Stiles sees the way Derek's cheek flush bright red and he's not sure he's ever seen the wolf look so embarrassed. He's never seen him so...

 

_Vulnerable._

 

All he's ever wanted is Derek to trust him. He's just wanted the wolf to be honest and put all of his feelings on the line, like Stiles felt he was...and for once, he has. It's almost a little out of character.

 

"I'm glad," Stiles sighs, "That you're not drunk I mean. I feel like you were being honest...I like that." 

 

Derek nods and sits quietly, letting Stiles close his eyes and rub his thumb against the back of his hands. He's calm and comfortable, drunk still, but comfortable. After a few minutes of letting him relax and marinate in what he said, Derek sighs. 

 

"Can I ask  _you_ something now?" 

 

"Sure babe, ask me whatever you want." 

 

Derek smirks at the use of the word 'babe'. He bets Stiles won't even remember half of this in the morning. 

 

"What happened yesterday? Why'd you run away from me?" 

 

Stiles looks up and laughs a little, like the answer should be obvious. "You told me you loved me," he says, "It scared me. I wasn't sure if I should believe you." 

 

Derek narrows his brow, "I thought you trusted me?" 

 

"I do  _trust_ you. I said I wasn't sure if I  _believed_ you. Different. It just...it took you until now to say it. You didn't say it when it mattered, to me at least. I wasn't sure if you meant it now or if you were just saying it because you felt like it was what I wanted to hear since we were kissing, ya know?" 

 

Derek nods, taking it all in. Suddenly another question comes to mind, one that he feels he'll get the best answer to now while Stiles is drunk.  

 

"Why do think I'm out to hurt you? You say these things sometimes, like my goal is to take advantage of you and you're not good enough for me. You don't actually think that do you?"  

 

At first Stiles just shrugs, but when he sees Derek's serious stare, he turns his head. "I ugh...I mean I just...I don't get it sometimes, why you put up with me when you literally have tons of other options.  _I_ don't really have any other options, not that I want anybody else. I mean like you listed all these random things about me that you like, things that i'm used to most people, other than like Scott or my dad, finding weird or irritating. And I definitely wouldn't be risking my life against werewolves for  _me_ if I was you. I guess I've never really mattered, like  _really,_ mattered to anybody before. It's a hard concept to grasp." 

 

Derek raises an eyebrow. That sounds strange to him. How could someone make it sixteen years without feeling like you mattered to someone? Derek knew he at least mattered to his family. "Not even to your dad?" He asks. 

 

Stiles looks up at Derek, a real curiosity in his eyes and asks, "Have you ever seen my mom?" 

 

The wolf is thrown off because that isn't an answer, but Stiles looks so serious he doesn't question it. "No...I thought...she's dead right?" He says honestly, hoping not to offend the other boy.

 

"Well yeah, but if I had to say choose anyone, she might be the only person. My dad tolerates me, but I've always, he's never said it, but I just always kind of thought he blames me for her ugh... _dying_ and I don't know if he'll ever really get passed that. He loves me, really  _loves_ me, but I don't know if he'll ever love me as much as he loved my mom. I mattered to her though. I guess I always mattered to her."   

 

"You matter to me." 

 

Stiles looks at Derek and just smiles, "Thanks."  

 

Derek can tell Stiles doesn't believe it though. He wants to but he's so reluctant.

 

They stay this way for a while, Derek sitting against the wall with stiles' head in his lap. Its quiet and calm until Stiles tries to sit up. Its unsteady and he seems a little dizzy. Derek gently just lays him back down to prevent him from getting sick. 

 

"Will you lay down with me, like just next to me for a minute?" The other boy asks in an exasperated breath. 

 

"Are you okay Stiles?" 

 

Stiles pulls at Derek's shirt with one lazy hand and the wolf lays down on his side where he can keep an eye on Stiles. The other boy turns to his side and suddenly their faces are only inches apart. "Yeah Im fine, just like a little bit drunk...l didn't mean to be though. I just wanted to work up the nerve to ask you that question." 

 

"You have to drink to talk to me now?" Derek laughs, "That's discouraging."  

 

"No-no-no! It's not that," he says shoving the wolf's shoulder. He can't keep himself from losing his balance a little, and he finds himself falling into Derek's chest. Derek holds him there, and when Stiles looks up, their noses are practically touching. "Like I said I was building up nerve to ask or I never would have...But I'm glad I did.  _You love me_."

 

Derek's a little surprised when Stiles brings their lips together but he accepts eagerly. Stiles tastes a little like whiskey but he doesn't really mind it. They're kissing and Stiles is grabbing at his shirt, pulling it above Derek's head. The other boy's hands are traveling over his body and suddenly Stiles hands has his lips on the curve of the wolf's neck. It's rough and sloppy and its catching Derek off guard completely. Stiles is never usually  _this_ aggressive. It's kind of fun. 

 

"I love you," he breaths heavily into Derek's ear. 

 

"I love you too." 

 

"Okay good," he starts. He straddles his legs over Derek's waist, then he sits up on his lap. He motions his hand towards Derek's waist before fiddling with his own jeans. "Take your pants off then." 

 

Derek raises an eyebrow and grabs one of Stiles' wrists, "What are you doing?" 

 

The other boy just tugs his wrist back and laughs, "Come on Derek, you're a smart guy. What do you think?"  

 

When he doesn't respond Stiles rolls his eyes. " _Sex._ _"_

 

"No." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Stiles you're drunk." 

 

"So what? I want to do this, don't you?" 

 

Derek sits up, holding Stiles on his lap as he does. "Of course I do, but I'm not going to do this because I know you're going to regret it in the morning. I'm not taking your virginity like this. We  _just_ got good, like  _really_ good, again. You're being impulsive."

 

"But I thought you  _loved_ me?" He says, a little bite behind it. 

 

"That's not fair. I'm doing this  _because_ I love you." 

 

Stiles pushes himself off Derek's lap, "Sure, just like you broke up with me to ' _keep me safe'_? You remember how well  _that_ turned out don't you?"  

 

"That was-Stiles, I'm not going to sit here and let you guilt me into having sex with you." 

 

"Then what are still sitting here for?" The other boy spits out venomously. 

 

Derek just rolls his eyes and starts scanning the bed for his shirt, "You can't be serious?" 

 

"Neither can you. I'm trying to give myself to you, and you claim to love me but you're shooting me down. Its not like you've never done it. Am I just not good enough to sleep with? So what was everything you said earlier, just a bunch of talk?" 

 

"Stiles you're tired and drunk. You have no idea what you're saying right now. How about I get you some water, you go to bed and we can talk about this tomorrow?" Derek offers, putting his hands out towards the other boy's shoulders.  

 

Stiles just pushes his hands away. "Drunk or not, I don't need you to stick around and babysit me Derek. I need you to be a good boyfriend-" 

 

"We're not dating." 

 

Derek says it and the minute he does he wishes he could take it back. Stiles looks at him in awe before narrowing his eyes, "Then just leave. I don't even know why I invited you over here and tried to work this out?" 

 

Stiles wants him gone, so Derek stands, shaking his head. Maybe it's best to leave Stiles alone for the moment. He's drunk and upset and not thinking before he speaks. Derek's pretty sure as he walks towards the door that Stiles doesn't mean half of the things he's saying anyway...except the last thing makes the wolf hesitate in his tracks for a second.

 

_"All you ever do is disappoint me anyway."_

 

And Derek gets the feeling he means that.

 

**_Xxx_ **

 

"I don't want to talk about it," is all Derek says when he gets home to Peter and Laura waiting for him. He knows they probably heard everything, especially the last part and he doesn't want to hear their sympathy right now. 

 

**Xxx**

 

Stiles wakes up the next morning with a mild headache and a little sore, but not bad considering how much whiskey he ingested. He thinks he's fine, until suddenly his memory hits him. 

 

Derek was here last night. 

 

And they talked. And it was going great until...well until Stiles tried to sleep with him and then got mad when Derek rejected him. What did he say? Something to the tune of, ' _all you ever do is disappoint me anyway'_. 

 

Suddenly his head is spinning and not from a hangover. What was he thinking? He took something good, the progress they were making, and ruined it. What is wrong with him? 

 

_What is wrong with them?_

 

Why can't they ever seem to get it right? He thinks he should probably call or something? Do you apologize or...he's not really sure what he would even say? What's protocol?  _'Hey Derek I'm sorry for saying hurtful things and drunkingly trying to take advantage of you last night. No means no, am I right?'_

 

Yeah...that would be in very bad taste and definitely would not work. But he's going to have to do something before it gets to be too late. So he sucks it up and decides to call. 

 

**Xxx**

 

"You know he's called you seventeen times today?" 

 

Derek looks into his doorway to see Laura holding up his cellphone in her hand. 

 

"You left it downstairs in the kitchen," she offers when she sees the confused look on her brother's face. Usually she would have ignored it, but when she saw the screen she had to come say something. As stubborn and dense as Derek is, she's seen him around Stiles. She knows what the other boy does for him. 

 

She takes a few steps in and then positions herself on the end of his bed, "He's texted you at least three times too. You know you can't hide in here and ignore him forever Derek." 

 

He rolls his eyes. He's been doing a pretty good job so far, sitting in his room watching sports movies all day. They're the only thing keeping him distracted from Stiles. He was never a big fan of sports movies. 

 

"I can try." 

 

"Yeah well you'll lose. Why won't you just hear him out?" She looks sad when she asks and he hates himself for doing that to her. Laura hates seeing him upset, she always has. 

 

"For what? I'll probably just end up disappointing him, like I always do anyway right?" 

 

His older sister rolls her eyes, but gently puts reassuring hand on his leg. "Don't be so dramatic Derek. I doubt he even meant it, but you won't know that if you never take any of his calls now will you?" 

 

The male scoffs but doesn't say anything in reply.  

 

"Just hear him out Derek," she says, placing his phone down beside him and standing up, "Remember he listened to you once."  

 

**Xxx**

 

This has nothing to do with Laura guilting him into it...at least that's what Derek keeps telling himself as he gets ready to leave the house. He's not even sure why he's doing this. This will probably end in a fight like it usually does, but he's going to take the chance and hear Stiles out, even if its just to say he did. 

 

How Stiles is going to explain calling him a  _'disappointment'_ should be interesting. 

 

He's grabbing the keys to the car when Laura comes downstairs with an obnoxious smile on her face and her bag in her hands. 

 

"Where are you going?" He asks, because there's no way she could have a date on a Sunday. 

 

"With you," she says and he rolls his eyes. 

 

"To what, spy on me?" He jokes as his sister grabs the keys from his hands.  

 

"You know why Derek, but don't worry. I'll stay out of your business this time. I have errands to run around town, but i'll pick you up after an hour or so."  

 

He doesn't say it, but he appreciates it. The wolf would prefer if his family wasn't close enough to hear all of his personal conversations. He'll be glad when his mother deems it safe enough again for things like this to not be necessary anymore. You think after a few weeks, it would have blown over, but some people are just stubborn.  

 

The drive is short but it feels long because he's nervous. He's pretty sure Laura's talking to him about something, about  _what_  though he isn't sure because he can't focus long enough to listen. All he hears is her telling him she'll be back in an hour.  

 

He can hear Stiles' heart beating as he walks up to the door. It's nice to know they're both kind of freaking out about this. Derek rings the doorbell and waits patiently for the other boy to show up in the doorway.  

 

Stiles' face is already a little red before any words are exchanged, but he forces out a quick greeting and waves Derek inside to the living room. They both take seats on the couch, leaving an entire cushion in between them. 

 

"So...," the human starts, not even looking at the boy opposite of him, "about last night. I'm ugh sorry about that. I'd blame it on being drunk but that's sort of a lame excuse. I didn't mean to try and force you into anything you weren't comfortable with."

 

Derek nods, though he knows Stiles isn't even looking at him. "That's it?" 

 

"What?"

 

Derek shifts in his seat a little and takes a deep breath. Does he even want to bring this up right now? No, but they definitely have to address it. "You know what Stiles. I didn't ignore you all day because I was mad about you trying to have sex with me. I'm upset about what you said as I was leaving. All I do is disappoint you?" 

 

It sounds as if his heart almost skips a beat. Suddenly Stiles' posture is a lot stiffer than it was moments ago and he almost seems uncomfortable. "I ugh...I didn't mean that." 

 

"Yes you did Stiles. I could  _feel_ it and you're heartbeat is fast now, but it was fine when you said it last night. I don't get it...I thought we were doing alright?" 

 

This is the first time Stiles has looked at Derek since he opened the door. He turns all the way around so that his feet are on the couch, knees pulled into his chest, and he's looking right at the other boy. 

 

"We were...we  _are._  We just, we never seem to be...it's like we're on the same page of two totally different books. We don't know what we want-" 

 

"You know what I want Stiles. I want you. That's all I've ever wanted." 

 

"But you broke up with me," the human reminds him sadly.

 

Derek rolls his eyes, wondering why Stiles has yet to grasp this concept. "I did that to keep you safe. I  _had_ to. I didn't know what else to do. I should have told you, but I didn't and I'm sorry! I mean werewolves terrify most people. I don't understand what you want from me!" He expects an answer but Stiles doesn't look like he has anything to say yet.

 

"I'm not perfect Stiles. It's like you have these unrealistic expectations of me and then you get upset when I don't-" he starts before it hits him. 

 

 _That's_ the problem. 

 

That's always been the problem. And that's what Stiles admitted to last night, without even really knowing it. 

 

They're just not on equal playing field and it has nothing to do with friends or status or popularity. 

 

 _Because Stiles never felt good enough for Derek, he kept coming up with reasons for why Derek would never be good enough for Stiles_.  

 

If he had all these far fetched ideas about Derek, the wolf would never meet them and it would justify them not working out in long run...but the problem was that they worked together. And they worked  _well._ And something told Derek that Stiles knew that, and maybe that's what scared the boy most? 

 

"You're scared, aren't you?" Derek asks, eyes narrowing as he leans in closer. He puts a hand atop of each of Stiles' knees and stares, though the human's brown eyes are facing down. " _Aren't you?"_

 

"I told you before, I'm not afraid of you Derek Hale," he says before looking up, right into the wolf's eyes. " _I'm terrified."_

 

"And I told you before that you don't have to be. My intention has never been to hurt you." 

 

"Well what was it then?" Stiles laughs as if he doesn't believe him. 

 

Derek thinks for a second but he can't put it into words so he just shrugs, "I don't know, date you? Love you? Maybe have sex with you somewhere in there, you know, when you weren't drunk." He chuckles a little but Stiles rolls his eyes. Derek can tell the boy's slightly amused. 

 

"Look Stiles, I love you okay? I want to be with you. I know that much...but despite what you might think, I'm not perfect. I'm not and I'm never going to be, I'm sorry. Im going to make mistakes, so are you. ...but if you want, I'd be willing to try and work on that together? Because I don't want this,  _us,_ to be one of those mistakes." 

 

He gives Stiles a pathetic, but hopeful, half smile. At first the boy just stares at him blankly with his knees still pulled into his chest. Finally after what feels like an eternity, a small smile breaks the edge if his lips, "You are so cheesy when you're in love, who knew?" 

 

"And who knew you were such a moment killer?" 

 

"Im sorry," Stiles laughs as he pulls the wolf's face into his, "and yes, I would love to try and work on our mistakes together, but if we're going to get back together, its not going to happen overnight." 

 

As Stiles draws their lips together, Derek smirks, "Trust me, all I've got is time." 

 

**Xxx**

 

Time seems to be the least of Derek's problems until its been an hour and fifteen minutes since he was dropped off. Where the hell was Laura? She was supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago. 

 

"Maybe you call her again? She could be in traffic or something." 

 

Derek looks over at Stiles with a straight stare, "On a Sunday night? Besides I've called her three times already. She would've answered by now." 

 

The silence that follows is terribly uncomfortable. Though he's trying not to show it through his tough demeanor, Derek is worried; and that makes Stiles worry. He knows he doesn't have all of the information though, he and Derek don't talk wolves much, and that only makes things like this worse.  

 

"This is a werewolf thing, isn't it?" The human asks, giving Derek a side glance from his spot next to him on the couch. Stiles is fidgeting with his hands to keep himself preoccupied.  

 

The wolf lets his head drop momentarily, "I don't know, but if it is I need to find her. You st-" 

 

Stiles is up shaking his head before Derek can finish his sentence. He knows the wolf is going to tell him to stay behind and he's having none of it. "Im going." 

 

"No, you're not. You're staying here where I know you're safe?" 

 

"Wouldn't I be safer with you? Besides I have a car. How did you expect to get around, on foot?"

 

"I was going to run." 

 

"On what, all fours like a puppy? You'd look like an idiot. Let me go, I want to help you. We just agreed to do this thing  _together_ right?" 

 

"I didn't mean-" 

 

"You can't pick and choose what together means Derek. Can we attempt to do something the right way for once? Now come on, were wasting time." 

 

Derek hesitates, but then gives in and gets into the car anyway. Stiles is stubborn so there's really no point in fighting him right now. Besides, he needs to find his sister and time  _is_ being wasted. 

 

"Do you know where she went?" The human asks. 

 

Derek just shakes his head as he rolls down the window, hoping to catch a scent. "No, she said she was just going to run errands or something. I have no idea where she went." 

 

Stiles can hear the wolf's voiced becoming strained as he becomes more worried and irritated. It's stressful, obviously, but if they can't stay level-headed, it'll only get worse. 

 

"Well lets start downtown, it's not like she could run errands in the suburbs right? No stores." He's trying to sound optimistic, hoping it'll keep Derek calm, but its hard. 

 

Stiles doesn't know a lot about werewolves. He never asked because he didn't _want_ to know. It didn't change who Derek was,  _what,_ but not who.  

 

Now doesn't exactly seem like a good time to ask just how dangerous of a situation this could be though, so Stiles bites his tongue and drives. When they make it downtown he parks in the first random lot he sees and they get out of the car. Almost everything important is located in the same general area, so Stiles is hoping they'll see her car just parked in a lot somewhere. Derek keeps trying her cell as they walk around scanning the area. 

 

It's almost eight, so it's getting late considering people have work and school tomorrow. There isn't much to see in the way of cars or pedestrians. They're walking through another parking lot when Derek grabs Stiles' arm and stops him. Stiles is about to panic but Derek takes his hand to calm him down and whispers, " _it's just Laura."_

 

"Hey yeah...I didn't hear from you...At Stiles? I was downtown looking for you...well just stay and I'll meet you there alright?"  

 

Derek hangs up and looks towards Stiles. "She got tied up at the store and her phone was on silent, but she's at your house now. We can just meet her." 

 

The human lets out a small sigh of relief. He was honestly expecting the worst, but he's glad now that it was all just a small misunderstanding and she's okay. So they turns to head towards the direction of his jeep. It's only a few minutes away from the lot they're currently in.  

 

"Are you okay?" Derek asks with a small smirk on his lips. "I could kind of hear your heartbeat back there." 

 

"I was nervous," Stiles admits, "But it was more for your sister. I mean she was all alone out here. I would've hated myself if something happened to her while you were sneaking around to see me." 

 

 _"But what about if something happened to you?"_ He hears from behind them and Derek's never grabbed him so hard. They're only feet away from his jeep and Stiles thinks he'd rather take his chances running than see who's actually behind them.  

 

"Stay by me, unless I say otherwise," Derek whispers into his ear and Stiles just nods. 

 

"Derek Hale...well aren't you growing up nicely," says a woman's voice. She walks in front of the boy's and the first thing Stiles notices is that she has no shoes on. "And this must be your boyfriend. He's  _adorable,_ but its honestly so hard to get you two alone." 

 

"What do you want Kali?" 

 

Derek's growling under his breath and Stiles can see his eyes glowing yellow. As he looks around, there's no one in the parking lot with them. It's dark and empty. 

 

The woman before them,  _Kali,_ just smirks. She would be really pretty, with her dark hair and almost exotic features, if she clearly didn't have a problem with them. 

 

"I want  _him_ _._ And I want you to watch when I claw out his neck.It's his fault Ennis was attacked and then banned without ever getting retribution for what he lost, so now he has to pay." 

 

"None of that is his fault.  _We_ attacked him and my  _mother_  banned him, but Ennis did that all to himself."

 

"Well he's the one who will have to pay for it. Besides, why go for any of you, when harming him would hurt you all so much more?" 

 

Stiles can see Derek turning and  _ohmyGod_ this is really happening. He hears Derek growl something along the lines of  _"you're not going to touch him"_ before he's being pushed to the side and told to drive off.  

 

He stands by his car but can't bring himself to leave. Stiles can hear the snarling and he knows this could be dangerous, but he can't leave Derek hear by himself. Derek wouldn't even be in this predicament if it wasn't for him and...well whatever he did to piss the other wolves off. 

 

The only thing he can think of is to text Laura. His hands are shaking so bad all he can manage to type out is 'help' but he figures that'll get the point across.  

 

When he looks up again, Kali's got Derek pinned to the side of a silver car, holding him by his neck. He has to do something. Derek's no match for this girl, she's older, more experienced. They were so not prepared for this... 

 

He fumbles around in his pockets before it hits him. Stiles takes his keys and presses the panic button. Immediately the car is honking and his lights are flashing in the dark parking lot. It's bound to draw some sort of attention. 

 

Kali lets out a pained shriek, he assumes from the noise, and then she looks towards Stiles even more pissed than before. Before Derek can say anything, she takes his head and bashes it into the window of the car she's been holding him against. Stiles can see the blood as Derek falls to the floor and his heart stops. 

 

He's going to die here... 

 

And he  _still_ didn't accomplish losing his virginity. This is even worse than the first time.  

 

"You think you're clever?" Kali asks, stalking towards him. He watches as she tears open the hood of his jeep and tears the cables, effectively stopping the alarm. He knows he should run, but what's the point? She'll catch him before he makes it one step. "I should rip your heart out of your chest for this, but I think I'd rather see you suffer."  

 

He just closes his eyes and prays to God dying wont hurt that bad. He can feel her grabbing his shoulder, pressing her hand against his collar bone until it snaps and next he knows, he's screaming. It's a blood curdling scream, that only lasts seconds before she punches him repeatedly to shut him up. Kali's ghosting a hand down towards his thigh, he assumes to break his leg but he can't be sure because his minds cloudy. 

 

He's fading in and out, but Stiles can feel the intense pressure but it suddenly stops as Kali is being ripped from his body. The last thing he remembers seeing is Derek's mother bearing her teeth at Kali before he crashes to the pavement. 

 

**Xxx**

 

The next time he wakes up, it's in a hospital bed with Scott and his Dad next to him. He's pretty drugged up, but he knows that much. 

 

He looks around, waiting for a third face to appear but it's not there. "Where's Derek?" He asks but his only reply is two disappointed frowns. 

 

**Xxx**

 

Stiles spends three days in the hospital before he gets to go home. He's glad but he knows between his friends and his dad, there's no way he's going to allowed out of bed for at least a few more days. Not after his  _'car accident'_ left him with a concussion, fractured clavicle and some sweet deep tissue bruises on his thigh. He hears his jeep wasn't totaled though, so that's a plus.  

 

He doesn't car so much about the jeep as he does about Derek. He hasn't visited him once and Stiles has no idea why. He's called and texted but no answer. He knows for a fact he isn't dead. They would have told him by now. Stiles thinks Derek would want to know if he was okay? He'd like to know how Derek is, but when he asks over text he gets nothing. The last thing he texts before going home is  _'sorry'_ but still nothing. 

 

**Xxx**

 

"Stiles has been lying on the couch moping for several days."

 

At least that's what his dad says over the phone, to whom Stiles has no idea. He wasn't even aware of the fact that it had been  _days._ He's just been staring blankly at the TV wondering why the hell Derek hasn't bothered to contact him. He's gotten numerous messages from Scott and Allison, a few from Lydia. Even Laura's checked in on him, but not a word from the one person he wants to hear from. 

 

"He asked about him, at the hospital. How's he holding up?" The Sheriff asks, "No better over here. Stiles doesn't blame him. I think he just wants to see him...well you knows kids, they're stubborn, but if you could talk your son into coming by, I think it would really help both of them." 

 

**Xxx**

 

The next night Stiles is lying on the sofa watching, but hardly paying attention to, a "Law and Order" marathon when his dad is walking out the door to go to work. 

 

"One of your friends should be here any minute alright?" Scott, Allison and Lydia have been taking turns babysitting him the past few nights while his dad works. Stiles just nods and mumbles something along the lines of  _'be careful'_ without actually turning to face him. 

 

He hears the door open and expects to hear it close a few seconds later, but instead he hears his father saying, "Hey Derek, he's ugh in the living room," and his heart skips a beat.

 

Derek. 

 

Why would he...

 

Sheepishly the wolf walks into the doorway and Stiles just stares. "H-hey..." 

 

The human skips past the greeting and goes straight to what he's been wondering the entire time, "Where the hell have you been?" 

 

Derek's eyes widen but he doesn't say anything, just sticks his hands in his pockets. 

 

"I was in the hospital for three days and you didn't come once. You didn't answer any of my texts or my phone calls. I've been home for days and this is the-what made you decide to show up  _now?_ " 

 

"My mom made me," The other boy shrugs, barely even glancing at Stiles. He can hardly stomach looking at him like this. His face is full of fading bruises and angry cuts. His right arm is in a sling and his left leg is propped up slightly on a pillow. He never thought he'd have to see Stiles like this. He never  _wanted_ to see him like this.  

 

Stiles' face drops. "Oh...okay..." He says passively, before he face twists into something more closely resembling anger. Slowly he starts to sit up and yell, "No! That's not okay! What the hell Derek? I was attacked by that  _bitch_! She put me in the  _hospital_ and you didn't even care enough to come see if I was okay? Do you know how worried I was about you?" 

 

Derek's gaze shoots up and his eyebrows narrow, "You think I didn't care about you? Are you kidding me Stiles? Who the hell do you think had Laura text you everyday?" 

 

"Why didn't you just ask me yourself?" 

 

"I couldn't Stiles! Do you know how hard this is for me, seeing you like this? I told you I wouldn't hurt you and that's all that's happened to you since you met me! I couldn't even...At least if I couldn't keep you safe from me, I thought I could keep you safe from everyone else!" 

 

"I don't need you to keep me safe Derek! I just want you to be there for me when I do get hurt. I want you to  _want_ to be here, not to come be because your mom made you! If you think I blame you for this I don't! It wasn't your fault, I-" 

 

"Don't," Derek cuts him off, "You're not going to apologize for this Stiles. You wouldn't even be in this if it wasn't for me dragging you into this. I just...you said once that you wished you'd never talked to me, and seeing you like this makes me wish that was true." 

 

"I never meant that." 

 

"Yes you did, I heard it in your heart beat and that's okay Stiles because I'm not going to hurt you anymore." 

 

Stiles' mouth drops and he's definitely confused, "Derek what are you saying? Because I hope you're not saying what I  _think_ you're saying. That's not what I-" 

 

Derek looks around the room at everything but Stiles. He knows he looks heart broken but he doesn't actually want to see it. It's only going to make this worse. It's not like he  _wants_ to do this but he has to. They can't drag this utterly dysfunctional relationship on any longer.

 

"I don't think we should keep seeing each other." 

 

"What the hell Derek," starts Stiles as he slowly attempts to stand up but it still hurts to put pressure on his leg. Immediately the wolf is across the room forcing him back down into a sitting position, "I told you I loved you. You said you...I just thought we..." 

 

"I do love you Stiles," Derek says, crouching down in front of him, "But we just aren't good for each other. I think we both know that. You were right to leave me alone the first time but I couldn't...I couldn't let you go." 

 

Stiles bites his bottom lip, tears welling in his eyes, "If you were going to do this why didn't you just leave me alone? Why the coming to my house and all the making up and the stupid soul-bearing conversations!"

 

The wolf shrugs with a loom of shame on his face. He should have left Stiles alone but he couldn't. "I was being selfish. I wasn't ready-" 

 

"I'd moved on and I was okay and then you-" tears are slowly falling from Stiles' eyes and he's trying to blink them back but it's not working, "You always fucking do this shit Derek! You always fucking-" 

 

_"Disappoint you?"_

 

The other boy doesn't reply, just bites at his lip and stares at Derek.  

 

"Stiles I'm sorry." 

 

"I  _hate_ you," is all Stiles spits back bitterly. 

 

It makes the wolf smirk a little as he reaches a hand to Stiles' face, brushing a thumb along his cheek, "No you don't." 

 

"Well I wish I did. I  _will_ , just give a week or two." 

 

"I don't doubt it," Derek laughs softly. 

 

Stiles gives him a slight smile back. They both know its forced, but its better than nothing. "So this is really it?" He asks. 

 

Derek nods. "I hope you understand?"

 

The other boy reluctantly nods, "I don't agree, but I  _understand._ I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I  _love_ you, more than I love myself." 

 

Stiles is expecting Derek to be flattered. He isn't expecting him to frown. "That's part of the problem Stiles." 

 

"You don't..." He trails off, but Derek knows what he's asking. He wants to know Derek feels the same, that he wasn't the only one this invested.

 

"Of course I do...and we've spent so much time caught up in each other that we've started losing ourselves." 

 

He can barely stand to look at Derek after that, because they both know its true. 

 

"I love you Stiles. I will  _always_ love you and I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry that  _I_ happened to you-"

 

And suddenly Derek's at a loss for words when Stiles pushes their lips together. "I'm not. You might be sorry, and I might be upset now, but I will never regret what we had while we had it and I hope you won't either. I loved you and you loved me too...nothing is ever going to take that away from me." 

 

**Xxx**

 

They agreed to leave each other alone for a while, as a rule. After what just happened it seems like a much needed stipulation until they're both mature enough for anything else.  

 

The first few days are agony and the first few weeks are torture, but once Stiles gets back in the routine of school, the pain slowly begins to subside. 

 

Derek hates that he can still smell him and hear him. He know he shouldn't subject himself to those things but its hard not too. 

 

They both slowly but surely ease back into their old lives and the only people who really notice anything's changed, are the people closest to them. 

 

Sometimes Derek hears Stiles getting anxious in class but he can't say anything to him anymore, no matter how bad he'd love to be the one reassuring him everything will be okay. 

 

Sometimes Stiles watches Derek in the halls and he wishes it was still okay for him to show up at his locker and ask him how his day was, but its not anymore...

 

and it hurts. 

 

But they're both working on it and they hope they'll be able to at least be friends one day. 

 

It almost seems like an unrealistic thought and its the farthest thing from his mind when Stiles is having a particularly shitty day: late to class, being blinded with a chem test he forgot to study for, forgetting his lunch money at home and then his arm starts hurting during PE but he's missed too many classes to sit out. It's just all around awful, and by the end of it he's ready to go to his locker and just go home, until he sees a piece of paper sitting atop his books. 

 

The human reads it and he can't help the sudden relaxed feeling that waves over him. He gazes past all the other frantic kids and sees one looking right at with a sympathetic smile on his face. 

 

Stiles gives a slight wave and receives a small one back just before the other boy disappears into the sea of peers. Yeah, so he broke the rules, but Stiles is glad Derek did as he magnets the note to his locker wall. 

 

_'Just remember I still love you.'_

 

Maybe they'll be better off than they think. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you thought!


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